bizgirl

[warning: link is to a 3mb windows media file - click here for the frontline homepage]

"Winning the hearts and minds." Or, in this case, pissing off the locals by squashing one of their cars with a tank. Some American GIs, having found some Iraqis looting some firewood, and having ascertained that they couldn't explain to them in English (surprise) just what it was they were doing wrong, decided to use some Pavlovian-style deterrence tactics instead, and destroy the car into which they were loading the wood. With the wood inside still, of course. And after having shot it up a bit first, just for fun. The MeFi crew had a field-day with this one.

I love the writing in this ad for the apple imac, this line particularly grabbed me: "...an Ultra-ATA/100 80GB hard disk that dishes out data at 7200 rpm." Ooooohhh, I think, big numbers. And this iMac comes not with a mere hard-drive, but a 'super'-drive. "It’s all part of the iLife experience," apparently.

And this! "They let you do fun, creative things with your pictures, music and movies in ways that people who use PCs can only dream about." Pshaw! Whatever. Still, if someone gave me one, I wouldn't be above learning the mysterious ways of the Mac.

I learnt a new word today: Hypergraphia. Described as the compulsiton to "scrawl away constantly, scribbling on notebooks, napkins, walls, even skin." Or your blog, perhaps...

"Manic depressives with a predisposition to chronicling their lives or composing poetry are likely to engage in voluminous writing in their darkest hours."

Do you get grumpy and make snarky blog posts in the wee small hours of the morning? Blame hypergraphia.

My mate Anna recently modelled for the NZ Nature Company's new range of Possum G-Strings and, get this, nipple warmers.

This is a quality product even though it is a novelty of sorts, much of the fur work is done by hand. We hope to bring attention to the ecological problems that brushtail possums are creating in New Zealand by creating this top quality G string. See Eco information page on our website.

Made from New Zealand Eco-Fur. The Brushtail Possum - no relation to the Amercan Possum - is similar to mink and was introduced to New Zealand from Australia about 150 years ago to establish a fur industry. Possums are now considered a major ecological pest here in New Zealand. Possums are the number one enemy of New Zealand's native forest's and has a devastating effect on native birdlife and native flora. The use of New Zealand Eco Fur, (possum fur) is advocated by all New Zealand environmental groups including The Royal Forest & Bird Society, The Ecologic Foundation, and Greenpeace New Zealand.

When you buy Eco fur products you help control possum numbers and save our unique native heritage. Thank you for your support.

Anna gives them the thumbs up: "warm, and very very soft."

I dunno though, I've still got reservations about wearing rodent fur next to my privates.

Just a nice wee story.

A list I've seen before somewhere else, so it might all be a bit of leg-pull, but fun nonetheless. Allegedly the cream of the crop of bad metaphor writing from the UK's GCSE English exam paper. There's many classics in there, but my faves would have to be...

"She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword."

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35mph."

"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't." [Total Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe steal, that one]

Surely a parody of one of the classic Nigerian email scams? Either way, it's incredibly funny - apparently Air Force Major Abacha Tunde has been stuck on the Russian Space Station Soyuz since 1989...

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.

My assistance? How could I possible assist an international space rescue?

...my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.

Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

Aha, of course. My details are on the way. May your trust in me be repaid a thousand-fold. For both parties.

[via the Presurfer]

More good stuff from Gizmodo today. Here's a stuffed bear (from the Pooh Bear knock-offs-that-didn't-quite-work factory, by the looks of it - Strawberry Gypsy Pooh?) that contains a 128MB flash-memory drive and MP3 player. No mention on the site as to just where the USB port is, but, as they point out over at Gizmodo, no prizes for guessing the obvious.

"... one can easily imagine, you know, loading the stuffed animal with tunes via its USB interface, explaining to your child that this is just how Pooh was born, it's perfectly normal for bears, wash your hands, etc."

[via gizmodo via playerblog]

Man, is there anything left to invent in the world?

"Banana Guard saves transported bananas from bruising while cruising, cladding your fruits in a hard plastic, ventilated shell with a sturdy locking mechanism."

Mental. I like their disclaimer: "do not feel badly if your fruits do not fit; every fruit is special in its own way."

[ via gizmodo via Cacheop via SethGodin]

Ahaha. Great. NZ Pundit is having a competition (actual cash prize!) to see who can come up with the best "Russell Brown Terzain Aporia Prose-Poetry Parody." The idea for the competition came from Russell's statement...

I saw some Iraqi teenage girls gathering before the march set off,
I was struck by how much they had the look and the body language of any teenage girls;
just with headscarves.

Noizyboy's already got an entry in (and it's a fib - I know he's never watched NZ Idol). I'm still working on mine...

Nice piece of satire from Monty Python man Terry Jones.

Everyone agrees that President George Bush's lobotomy has been a tremendous success.

Dick Cheney, the vice-president, declared that he was fully satisfied with it from his point of view.

"Without the lobotomy," Mr Cheney told the American Academy of Neurology, "it might have proved difficult to persuade the president to start wars all around the world without any good pretext. But the removal of those parts of the brain associated with understanding the outcome of one's actions has enabled the president to function fully and without hesitation. Even when it is clear that disaster is around the corner, as it is currently in Iraq, the chief executive is able to go on TV and announce that everything is on course and that he has no intention of changing tactics that have already proved disastrous.

Read on...

My Moralising Quotient is: 0.00.
My Interference Factor is: 0.00.
My Universalising Factor is: -1.

You see nothing wrong in the actions depicted in these scenarios. Consequently, there is no inconsistency in the way that you responded to the questions in this activity. However, it is interesting to note that had you judged any of these acts to be morally problematic, it is hard to see how this might have been justified. You don't think that an act can be morally wrong if it is entirely private and no one, not even the person doing the act, is harmed by it. The actions described in these scenarios are private like this and it was specified as clearly as possible that they didn't involve harm. One possibility might be that the people undertaking these acts are in some way harmed by them. But you indicated that you don't think that an act can be morally wrong solely for the reason that it harms the person undertaking it. So, as you probably realised, even this doesn't seem to be enough to make the actions described in these scenarios morally problematic in terms of your moral outlook. Probably, in your own terms, you were right to adopt a morally permissive view.

Hmmm, yes, that sound like me. Although, as Gordon King points out in the comments section over at this-chick (who seems to be the original link in to the quiz that's now going around the nz blogosphere) ...

The test is crap and flawed because it one dimensionally equates lack of harm in private behaviour with morality. Only a bunch of philosophers or randroids would believe something so stupid ... These tests are horseshit and fundamentally not much different from any old Quizilla "which josie and the pussy cats character are you" test. (Melanie).

But I like doing those Quizilla tests too! (I was Josie, by the way).

I used to love playing Simon as a kid. My memory being what it is, and all. So I was overjoyed to finally stumble across an online version here.

I always thought so...


You are a GRAMMAR GOD!


If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!


How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Here's a link to a funny story on my friend noizyboy's blog.